Happy Tuesday everyone!
I know it’s Tuesday and I told you all I would only be posting on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. BUT, I wanted to share this post on the first day of a new month. And that’s because it’s been a full month of blogging! So, I wanted to share some achievements and some things I learned along the way.
When I first started this blog in June 2018, it was because I was in a really tough spot in my life. I was struggling with some of the ethics of things I observed in my organization. Which, as a person with a Human Justice degree, I struggled more with because I naively assumed the justice system was “just” and “fair”. So I began to have an internal crisis not only because I was being overworked but also because I felt powerless to stop the harm I perceived my organization (and me) was causing to my clients. At the time I was doing exactly what I wrote about yesterday: I was seeing a therapist, working out, meditating, eating healthy. And yet I continued to struggle. I cried at my desk on a daily basis. There were some days that I’m embarrassed to admit I sat at my desk paralyzed and unable to get anything productive done. I used up all of my sick days (including the ones I had saved up over the past 10 years while in Government). So this blog was born because I desperately needed to get out the vitriol I had in my mind.
But I’m sad and a little embarrassed to admit my blog stayed on the back burner in my life so I could focus more on taking care of my family, and then passing out from exhaustion at the end of each day. My husband and I decided to start trying for a second child in February and we were ecstatic when I quickly became pregnant last March. But the pregnancy was long and difficult. As was the labor. After our son was born I thought, finally, this is the end of the struggle and I can finally enjoy the time I get to just focus on being a mom.
There are those that say that you will have an easy baby and a hard baby. This rang true for me. Because, unlike my daughter when she was a baby, my son didn’t sleep well, he was always hungry and he cried all the time. He was not put down much due to this. He stayed in my arms the majority of the time because my husband worked. So I felt trapped and I could feel my anxiety and depression deepening with every day. My body ached. And still my blog slumbered.
However, I did blog through this time. When things were unbearable I would sit in the quiet with my son in my arms and I would type and vent and cry. But things didn’t get published because I felt so ashamed for feeling so sad. But then in August something hit me. And I just woke up one day and decided it was time to actually commit to this thing I am paying for. So I started to consistently write posts. And I mean, every. damn. day.
So, what happened over the month of September?
Better Mental Health
This one is my number one because it’s my number one in real life. I can happily say that I have had more good days than bad this past month. This was a HUGE achievement for me. I feel human again. I feel like the person I’m meant to be.
Even though I keep most of my posts pretty light-hearted, there were days that were heavy for me. I suffer from anxiety after all. But those posts allowed me to focus on the simple things in life: food, DIYs and overall healthy living.
Making Connections & Gaining Readers
This is two-fold. A part of my blogging strategy has been to read and comment on fellow bloggers’ posts. Because I want to be a part of this big community. There are so many great people that put out amazing content. This strategy has paid off as I’ve began to make some real connections with other bloggers. The following deserve a big ol’ shout-out from me, as their blogs are so well put together and they’ve sparked inspiration in me or made me feel happier through their own posts.
- Mathew of Blog of the Wolf Boy
- Sadia Noor of Through my Eyes
- Blunt Japanese Woman
- PoojaG of Lifesfinewhine
- Diane of In Diane’s Kitchen
- Sisira of Sparkle official
- Tom Burton of Slumdog Soldier
Additionally, I reached 100 followers (and counting) in one month! This came as a huge surprise to me, as I felt much of what I was saying was essentially going into a void. I had no idea there would be people around the world that were interested in what I had to say!
So thank you to everyone reading my content and subscribing to get updated on when posts go public! This has been a real eye-opener for me.
You know, I originally went into the Justice field to help people and I couldn’t help but feel I was failing them. But I’ve started to have some readers message me and comment that my posts are interesting and helped them become inspired to start living a healthier lifestyle. That warms my heart so much!
And a very special thank you to everyone who has liked and commented on my posts. Especially you, Tom – you’re my most chatty reader – which I really appreciate!
Finally, thank you Cheryl for all your Social Media sharing. You’re the bomb-diggity, lady. And such a great mentor.
This blog has reignited my desire to be creative. I used to LOVE art when I was in high school. But this somehow got lost in the process of my growing up, going to University, having a baby, working, getting married and having another baby. But this blog actually lights the fire under my a** to create. I’ve picked up my love for photography, sketching and painting again. I’m a little rusty (And I’m no professional by any means), but it was like meeting an old friend after years apart.
BUT, as with everything in life, not everything is perfect. So, just as I’m sharing some achievements with you, I want to share some mistakes this past month. Because, of course, this is a learning experience for me!
I’m a fast typer. I was very fortunate to go to an Elementary school with its own computer lab (this was pretty rare back in the early 90’s, you know!). During computer class, we actually learned typing (do they still do that in schools?), and we did typing tests on the regular – for bragging rights of course. I was very good at these tests. And things only improved after I joined the workforce as an administrative assistant for the provincial government. And if you know anything about government, you know they love them some meetings! And those meetings need to be documented. Because it’s government and we live in a democracy, not a dictatorship, yo. So guess who took the meeting minutes? This girl. In real time. With no one stopping to let me finish typing what they just said. So yeah….I type fast.
But that bragging is all to say that my speediness is also a weakness. I like to get things done fast, so sometimes – SOMETIMES – I miss things. Like, the other day I posted about my 36 hour fasting experience. I didn’t realize until TWO DAYS LATER that I titled it my 32 hour fasting experience. Suuuuper…And some of my comments in response to comments on my blog? I’ll just be honest and say some of them leave something to be desired.
So, I’ve definitely learned that it’s time to sit down and read my posts. And read them. And read them. And read them again for good measure – BEFORE they get published.
If I’m being honest, I’m still nervous about people in my life reading my blog. There have been a couple posts that I chose not to share on my social media accounts because I wasn’t as proud of them as other posts. That’s because I have some family members that read my stuff! If you know my family, you would be intimidated too!
While I love them to pieces, I know they can sometimes poke *too* much fun, or be a little *too* critical. And I have anxiety. So sometimes I internalize it. I try not to, but I do.
A good example of this is my mom and dad. Neither of them are on any social media platforms at all. So it’s not like they can see my blog’s Facebook Page, or my Instagram account. But it’s not like I’ve shared my blog’s URL with them either. I’ve mentioned it a couple times but I’ve never shared the actual link to it. I’m scared of what they would think. She and my dad helped pay for my University degree and I do feel guilty that I’m not staying in the Justice field for right now.
I think a big missing piece to my blog is feeling pride in real life, and yelling from the rooftops my URL and Blog Name. I just haven’t gotten there yet.
This month has been a rollercoaster for me. I’ve had so much fun with this blog, and I feel I’m still learning so much. I also still feel nervous right before a post goes public. But, bear with me here! I feel like my blog is only improving, and I’ll eventually hit a good stride with it. Thank you again to everyone that continues to read my stuff and interact with this anxious chick from the prairies.
Ciao for now!
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